Clicky

A Practical Guide to Insulting Photographers for Best Effect

A Practical Guide to Insulting Photographers for Best Effect

Admin
I'm Rob, the editor of Light Stalking. I try to keep this ship on course.
Admin
Admin

Blog Posts by Admin

Admin

Latest Images

By on in Random

 

When you work in an industry which involves creating work and putting it in front of an audience, eventually you are going to get some negative and rude feedback – it’s par for the course and it is water off a duck’s back. But there’s the problem. A good insult should really get under somebody’s skin! This is a guide to how to do that to a photographer for best effect.


Mad about the Ban by Jan Tik, on Flickr

Compliment Their Equipment – This is the classic passive aggressive tack that can really get up a photographer’s nose. Most photographers will be proud of their camera gear and go to great lengths to look after it. When you compliment it, don’t go overboard – a quick, “Hey, nice camera – it must be able to take great shots,” is enough to put the wrath of God into many photographers. What you are implicitly implying is that the gear is what does the hard work in taking a good photograph and that anyone could really take a good photo if they had the same gear. This stings a photographer more than most people know for the simple reason that taking a technically good photograph, no matter what gear you have, is actually quite difficult and has often taken years of study and practice to master. The further beauty of this insult is that there is no great comeback because, as we mentioned, the photographer will probably be quite proud of their equipment.


Angry Mandy! by eVo photo, on Flickr

Ask “Did You Use Photoshop?” – The beauty of this insult is that it’s not direct either (more passive aggressive hilarity!). The more innocent your demeanour when saying this, the better the effect will be too. What you are saying might even be perfectly innocent and inquisitive, but what the photographer will hear is “I don’t think you are good enough to have taken this photograph without resorting to digital manipulation.” If you are lucky they will also hear, “I could have got a similar shot if you let me use Photoshop too.” This will be like metaphorically ripping out their heart and showing it to them as they die. Mission accomplished!

Tell a Wedding Photographer That Your Cousin Did a Great Job of Shooting Your Sister’s Wedding – This is insult gold when you are talking to a wedding photographer. Many of these folks have spent years perfecting their craft and building their wedding shooting business a week at a time over the course of many years which involved a lot of poverty, especially in the beginning. They just love hearing when somebody paid your cousin $100 to shoot a wedding and the results were “great” – not. If you really want to rub salt into the wound, show them an overblown snap of your grandparents doing Tequila shots while dancing in a sea of confetti and laser beams. Extra points for lens flare.


Donna angry by smashmirrorcardboardface, on Flickr

Mention That The Best Photo of Your Wedding Came from Uncle Bob with a Compact – This is especially effective when you went out of your way to hire a professional wedding photographer. It says that despite your years of learning the craft and more years of suffering as you built your business that you are still not good enough to beat a drunk, balding pensioner with bladder problems. Insults don’t get much better than that.

Loudly Proclaim the Use of HDR - This is starting to head into direct, confrontational insult territory (we prefer passive aggressive) so be careful. If any photograph you see has saturated colours, then loudly and unapologetically claim that it is as a result of using HDR software. Be sure to ignore the fact that the photographer had woken up at 3AM every day for the last 2 weeks to ensure they were at the right place to get the magical lighting. Ignore that they shot on large or medium format film. The more obnoxious you are with this insult the better the effect will be.

Tilt Your Head Slightly And Ask if the Horizon is Straight – This isn’t so much an insult as simply a Machiavellian little way to mess with the mind of a landscape photographer. Unintentionally crooked horizons in landscape photography really upset a lot of photographers so implying that they have missed something this elementary is to imply that they couldn’t pass a 101 course on landscape photography. Be sure not to push this one too far – you want to plant the seed of discontent without revealing your true intention of simply owning their headspace. For extra giggle, watch them keep returning to the photograph you were talking about and squinting to see if they can detect the non-existent slant in that horizon.


Angry Mean Face by chexed, on Flickr

Be Irate About Something Completely Insignificant – Did the photographer use Lightroom instead of Aperture to post-produce their photographs? Yell at them! Did they shoot on a Canon rather than Nikon? Tell them that you only take Canon shooters seriously and write off the rest. Did they shoot JPG instead of RAW files? Write them off (loudly) as a complete amateur! But whatever you do, make sure the point you are being irate about has NOTHING to do with the actual end image that you are looking it. Make sure you couldn’t just look at the image and judge what you are being irate about. Ask them, and then get mad about their answer. This is insult nirvana.

The really great thing about this list is that almost every photographer who has been doing this for a while has heard at least one of these. Some may have even completed the whole set! Which ones have you heard? Tell us some more great insults in the comments!

 

62 Comments

  • Heather:

    Love the “can’t you just give me a cd of the prints and I can print them myself”

    June 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

  • Avatar of carolannphotoscarolannphotos:

    You missed one of the best: I used to shoot weddings/be a pro until digital came along and every Johnny come lately calls themself a photographer – I got rid of the Bronica/Hasselblad film backs/plate cameras/insert flash equipment here…

    June 27, 2012 at 11:38 pm

  • Ron Whitaker:

    A photographer went to a socialite party in New York.
    As he entered the front door, the host said ‘I love your pictures – they’re wonderful; you must have a fantastic camera.’
    He said nothing until dinner was finished, then: ‘That was a wonderful dinner; you must have a terrific stove.”

    http://www.ronwhitaker.ca

    June 28, 2012 at 3:27 pm

  • Ingrid Williams:

    I heard of a photographer putting the “what a great camera” angle into perspective. He had been served a great meal by someone who had complimented his art in that way. At the end of the evening he commented, “That was a fantastic meal! You must have great pans!”

    June 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

  • Marcus Robinson:

    this is great but my questions is what’s the point? is this to encourage photographers like me, or what?

    June 30, 2012 at 6:57 am

  • jerry winnett:

    Can you make these look cool like Instagram?

    June 30, 2012 at 7:00 am

  • Charles Church:

    I agree with f8, we need to develop thick skins and get on with it. My opinion is, the idiots who make such comments are just that, idiots, and they know nothing about photography. Therefore, just ignore the stupid comments and do not acknowledge them with any response, that will make them angry that they cannot get you angry. Tough it out.

    July 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

  • Tim:

    The short-term riposte to #1 is “Yeah, and your mouth makes great compliments”.

    July 2, 2012 at 3:26 am

  • Dmitriy Mirochnik:

    I was shooting at a Chilli Festival on Staten Island. Awards were given out for best chilli. Someone from the staff told me that I win the award for the biggest camera there. It was said in a way that made me feel that the guy felt that it was completely unnecessary for me to have a camera like that when everyone takes their pictures with their phones. I want to see if anyone can take these with their phone…http://bit.ly/LRLsP9

    July 2, 2012 at 4:10 am

  • Peter:

    How about an article that rebuffs the idiotic comments people make TO photographers!!!

    July 2, 2012 at 8:04 am

  • James:

    “Well…at least you captured the moment.”

    July 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

  • john ater:

    I print my business cards with full color shots of my work front and back. At least once a week, someone asks, “are those your photographs?” I’ve resisted saying, “no, they’re not. I really liked those shots better than my own.”

    July 4, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    • Aaron:

      Yeah I get that quite a bit also, when showing someone my website… you shot all these? No I copy and based them off google images because I like cool photos.

      December 30, 2012 at 8:38 am

  • Lance:

    “Can you make it look professional, like Instagram?” … Gotta love em !!

    July 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

  • Kat:

    While some of these are rude, some are just from people who don’t know any better.
    Just because someone’s walking around with a Nikon [D]SLR (or other “fancy” camera) doesn’t a photographer make.
    I’ve always operated under the belief that my photographs or snapshots will look good if I’m using a $2,200 camera or a “$70 one; so of course I will also believe a layman who says her cousin can take great pics with her point-and-shoot.

    With the advent of the digital age, I find most photographers to be especially sensitive about their work, and the other people they feel are infringing upon it. If one is good at one’s craft, there is no need to worry.

    July 9, 2012 at 9:04 am

    • Thomas:

      Perhaps with the advent of really good and inexpensive DSLRs, people are realizing that not all “professional” photographers are worth the money they are charging?

      December 15, 2013 at 8:21 am

  • Cheryl Gribble:

    Great shot. Did you have to use Photoshop?

    I really like this one. How many rejects did you discard before you found this one?

    August 18, 2012 at 11:15 pm

  • Barrie:

    A recent favourite was “its out of focus”, it was a full frame outdoor portrait, the background was obviously what he saw, the subject was sharp!

    October 15, 2012 at 3:26 pm

  • Kent DuFault:

    Great post Rob. Whenever the camera equipment debate comes up as relates to the impact of an image. I always think back to an interview with Gordon Parks, who stated emphatically, that he believed the best photographs of his career were taken with a Kodak Brownie camera.

    December 30, 2012 at 7:33 am

  • Aaron:

    The best remark to did you use photoshop is say, “yes I did, I removed dust spots that digital has a serious problem with. I really miss film because it didn’t have those problems.”

    December 30, 2012 at 8:42 am

  • Undine:

    Oh what a post…hits a nerve with me. How many times have I heard from somebody, after looking at a nice photograph of mine” of course it’s a nice picture. You have the nice, big camera.”
    Another one I don’ get is the immediate question ” what camera do you use?” (As if the camera alone took the picture…)
    I also “love” it when somebody tells me, after looking at a photo of mine in which I used a prime lense to emphazise the bokeh effect “My pictures are sharper. I can fix that with photoshop for you…”
    Some comments leave me speechless sometimes.

    December 30, 2012 at 9:18 am

  • Justin:

    I just had my camera complimented today. I said, “it’s only as good as the person behind it!” Wish I had thought of the stove thing as I was shooting for a restaurant.

    March 13, 2014 at 10:55 pm

  • oldfolkie:

    Had a decades long friend tell me he used one of my photos as the cover for his CD. “I didn’t think you’d mind”.

    What ya gonna do?

    June 30, 2014 at 3:07 pm

Recent Members